


weak | samo

by kimwig



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimwig/pseuds/kimwig
Summary: tw//suicide
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana
Kudos: 22





	weak | samo

I stumbled in the bathroom, it was really late at night. The voices in the back of my head were screaming. It was so loud, it hurt, the ringing in my ears. Nothing I did could stop them, it felt as if they were skinning me alive.

I remember wanting to pick up the bottle, my hands were shaking as I opened the cabinet. Closing it, I was met with the reflection of my face in the mirror. I saw nothing, nothing that was worth attention. And the voices in my head told me so too.

I closed my eyes. I was ready. I promised I will be by your side, didn't I, Dahyun-ah? When you left, I told you I will come to find you.

When I opened the bottle, it slipped from my hands. I wasn't anxious, I was ready. Yet my hands were all sweaty. Maybe it was just because I was excited to meet you again. I missed you.

I didn't cry when I downed it whole thing, nothing felt unfamiliar. The bitterness, the small bodies sliding against my tongue and down my throat, I'm used to it. I had many of them, pills. My therapist still prescribes me the 'happy gummies ' she introduced to many years ago.

Finally, I was going to be happy. I already was, you know?

I sat on the floor and waited, my phone was ringing loudly. But not loud enough to stop the voices. I remember everything started getting hazy, slowly I was feeling alright.

After a while, I don't remember when, my eyes wouldn't stay open even if I tried. Breathing hurt my lungs. I was finally coming to you, Dahyunie, my heart fluttered at the thought.

2AM, I checked the time on my ringing phone. My body was numb, I could barely feel the coldness of the tips of my fingers as I ran them across my skin. My heart was beating slowly. I was close. I really was.

Darkness.

I don't remember anything else after that, only walking closer to the light. I fixed my hair, adjusted my shirt, put a smile on my face. I wanted to look good once I saw you.

I ran, I ran so fast to reach you. The light was glowing, it was blinding and I so close. Only a couple of steps and I would've held you in my arms.

"Momo!"

I didn't want to hear, freedom was near. So near I could see your figure behind the light. Your long dark hair, your skinny and tired body. You were standing, boney arms held up in the air. However, I couldn't make out what you were trying to say, what you meant by waving them around.

"너 미쳤어?"

I didn't care what Sana was saying or how she had come into my house, why she wasn't back home. She was risking getting sick for being here.

"Are you crazy?"

She shouted again, her English is cute. But I didn't care, I was about to touch you again. I was about to hug you, hold you close, spend my life with you as I intended. As I promised before you left.

"일어나!"

I saw you. Why were you frowning? I don't understand, I promised I'll be there. Behind the light you were shaking your fingers. You were mouthing words I couldn't understand, no's and get away's. 'Not now nor ever.'

I was drifting away, the light was fading. I didn't want it to. I didn't want you to fade away. I was so close. So close.

"Please wake up."

Sana was screaming. I haven't heard her speak English all these years I've known her. I was absorbed in my own world that I hadn't realized she traveled all the way from Korea to here. I hadn't realized she was spamming my phone.

The light faded, the darkness took over me once again. I was going back, but I didn't want to.

"내 말 들려?"

I can hear you, Sana, but I don't want to. I lost my light, I lost the way to my freedom. Please let me go.

"다 잘 될거야."

My stomach was twisting, I could feel hands all over me. The numbness was fading, I was getting my senses back. Why? I didn't choose that. I chose peace, I chose to free myself.

"Everything's going to be alright."

Her voice was all I could hear, her delicate hands on my back as she kept me over the toilet was all I could feel. Her perfume, the one I remember her wearing since forever was all I could smell.

"나는 구급차를 불렀다."

My eyes fluttered open, I choked and coughed, I could barely breathe. Sana was there, she was talking, but I couldn't make out what she was saying.

My mind started racing, my heart pounding in my chest once again. I was breathing.

And Sana was there, Dahyunie. She had come all this way from home to check up on me because she was worried. She had asked help from my neighbors to get in my apartment. She had talked on the phone with people she couldn't understand.

All for me.

She helped me lay to on my bed, she assisted the doctor that came to check up on me. She didn't force me to talk.

All for me.

Sana came.

She slept beside me. She took my mind off the voices. Sana didn't give advice on how to get over you, over you death. She didn't talk about how strong I'm, Dahyun-ah. Sana wasn't like the others.

"항상 네 곁에 있을게."

She promised to always stay by me. To help me. But not like the rest. And I believe her, I trust her. Why do I feel like I'm betraying you though? Like by accepting her help I'm replacing you.

I'm not, Dahyunie. Not one can ever replace you.

I want move forward, but I'm weak.

And I feel like Sana can help me.


End file.
